Resilience is the ability to manage stress in effective ways. It’s not a static quality or attribute you’re born with, or a choice of attitude.
The
word resilience can be perplexing. Does it mean remaining calm when faced with
stress? Bouncing back quickly? Growing from adversity? Is resilience an
attitude, a character trait or a skill set? And can misperceptions about
resilience hurt people, rather than help? To sum it up in a sentence:
Resilience is the ability to manage stress in effective ways. It’s not a static
quality or attribute you’re born with, or a choice of attitude.
Instead, it’s a
set of skills that can be developed by repeating specific behaviours.
As
a clinical psychologist, researcher and educator specialising in training
people to cope with stress more effectively, I know that resilience can be
developed.
But
as with physical fitness, you can’t get stronger abs by just wanting them.
Instead, you have to repeat specific exercises that make your abs stronger;
intention alone just won’t do it.
Cultivating
resilience is much the same. Like physical fitness, resilience is not a single
quality but rather many ingredients that contribute differently to a range of
strengths and situations. For instance, one may handle relationship issues
rather well but be unable to cope with the stress of a traffic jam.
Some
building blocks of resilience are factors that are largely beyond one’s control,
such as greater income and education and having supportive environments.
Some
are things you can do in your daily life, such as exercise, hobbies and
activities, and getting adequate sleep. Other facets might take more time to
develop, such as nourishing supportive relationships, building skills for
tolerating distress and regulating emotions, meditation, incorporating
spirituality or religion and practising less self-criticism and more
self-compassion.
Resilience can be cultivated
Confusing
connotations about resilience pervade not only the scientific literature and
mental health approaches but also popular culture. The idea that difficult
experiences make someone resilient is incorrect, or at least incomplete.
During
the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic, I heard people claim that “children
are resilient”.
However,
one of the largest research investigations about difficult childhood
experiences, the Adverse Childhood Experiences study, conducted in the 1990s at
Kaiser Permanente with over 17,000 adults, established that cumulative
stressors experienced in childhood impair both mental and physical health. It
also found that more stress predicts worse outcomes.
What actually helped people be more resilient during the
COVID-19 pandemic?
Studies
show that the same building blocks mentioned above helped people navigate the
pandemic with greater well-being. Many of these same building blocks also
improve people’s outcomes following other stressful experiences, such as
unemployment, cancer, divorce and exposure to violence.
All
of this says that resilience can flourish by incorporating specific behaviors
and creating healthy environments. People often assume it’s optimal to remain
relatively unaffected by stress – that is, to “get over it” quickly.
In
many cases, that might be the case. If you forget an important meeting, for
example, a response of “Oh no! I need to apologize right away and reschedule”
is probably healthier than punching a wall or concluding that you’re a terrible
person.
But
what if a relationship ends? Is it always best to get over it quickly, or could
a longer reflection and healing process lead to deeper learning and growth?
What looks like resilience could instead be suppressing, numbing or hiding
feelings. Those tendencies are linked with worse mental health.
This
is why the concept of resilience is somewhat nuanced; some people who seem
resilient are just covering up, or coping in an unhealthy way – such as using
alcohol to cope with difficult feelings.
Sometimes
painful feelings or experiences contribute to personal development.
Post-traumatic growth refers to the positive changes that some people report
after trauma, especially when they incorporate some of the resilience “building
blocks” listed above.
This
includes better relationships, a greater appreciation of life and enhanced
spiritual or philosophical understanding. Rather than expecting yourself to
always feel good or to bounce back quickly, in some situations it may be wise
to allow yourself to experience deeply challenging feelings and the personal
growth that can ensue.
Resilience isn’t always the answer
Resilience
is more complex than being mentally tough or not letting things get to you.
Pressuring yourself to appear OK when you’re not – also known as emotional
perfection – could make things worse and prevent you from seeking support.
Sometimes,
changing stressful environments, such as a job or living situation, rather than
just adapting to them is a healthier choice.
This
is why resilience can be a loaded term. Although coping with challenges has its
place, for trauma survivors, people who have experienced racism or homophobia,
or those living in regions especially affected by climate change, and many
others, resilience falls flat. The word comes across as tacitly accepting the status
quo rather than demanding accountability from those who caused harm or working
to reduce the sources of stress.
Overemphasizing
resilience can reinforce racial injustice by suggesting that people who are
subjected to it are resilient enough to handle it. Having to wear a mask of
resilience or put on a smile can add to the burden of racism, making resilience
exhausting. Having to continually adapt to microagressions and other forms of
racism takes a mental and physical toll, such that resilience to racism comes
at a cost.
A
one-sized-fits-all approach to resilience doesn’t work for every person and
problem. But most of us can benefit from nourishing some of the building blocks
of resilience, such as cultivating supportive relationships, physical exercise and
self-compassion.
Becoming
more resilient is a process. We can benefit from working on the building blocks
of our own individual resilience, and from initiatives in schools, workplaces
and other environments that promote resilience more broadly.
The
number of factors affecting resilience may seem daunting. The upside is that
you can choose from many effective ways of building resilience to determine the
most suitable approach for you.
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